Every year, the Washington Post holds a contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. Here are a few of the most recent winners that I was able to find:

* coffee – the person upon whom one coughs

* flabbergasted – appalled over how much weight you have gained

* esplanade – an attempt at an explanation while drunk

* lymph – to walk with a lisp

* flatulence – emergency vehicle that picks you up after you’re run over by a steamroller

* balderdash – a rapidly receding hairline

* testicle – a humorous question on an exam

* pokemon – a Rastafarian proctologist

* oyster – a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms