News You DIDN’T Hear Last Month, or…
Different Views on News You DID Hear
CDC Finally Admits It: You Didn’t Need Those COVID Jabs
File under “Too Little, Three Shots Too Late.” In a dramatic about-face, the FDA just announced it will no longer recommend COVID boosters for healthy Americans under 65. Yes, that includes the kids and the kale-eating 40-somethings who masked alone in the car. Going forward, Pfizer and Moderna will have to prove – not just imply – that their vaccines actually prevent bad outcomes. Imagine that! For those keeping score: The virus is now officially just a flu, and the vaccine you were socially bullied into getting may have been more public performance than public health. Even Dr. Vinay Prasad, now running the FDA’s vaccine division, says the old one-size-fits-all approach “fatigued the country.” Maybe what really fatigued us was being forced to pretend this wasn’t all politically motivated theater from the beginning. But, sure… welcome to the party. Read more here.
Antarctica Is Gaining Ice. Please Update Your Apocalypse.
According to SciTechDaily, Antarctica gained trillions of tons of ice between 2021 and 2023, marking it the first net ice growth in decades. Yes, the same continent that was supposed to drown us all by 2020 is quietly swelling. Climate catastrophists are now backpedaling faster than Greta’s crew catching her carbon-fiber yacht (which, amusingly, required multiple commercial flights to retrieve). But before you trade your Prius for a Hummer, consider this: Antarctica still lost 1.8 trillion tons of ice over the prior two decades. The recent growth may be the result of natural variability, changes in snowfall, or temporary cooling trends – none of which were accounted for in the “settled” science. So is this the beginning of a long-term reversal or just a blip in the Antarctic narrative? No one knows. But it’s a timely reminder that when it comes to climate models and their prophets, we might want to keep the receipts. Read more here.
Trump’s Palace in the Sky… or Just a Qatari PR Disaster?
Apparently, Qatar wanted to gift Donald Trump a $400 million retrofitted 747-8 jumbo jet as a thank you for… something. Trump said it was for “official use,” maybe Air Force One, maybe a display piece for his presidential library. Legally, it could fly. Optically? It’s a crash landing waiting to happen. Even his supporters were muttering, “Really?” Part of me wanted him to take it, just to watch MSNBC combust. But someone in his inner circle needed to remind him: Just because you can accept a flying palace from a terror-financing state doesn’t mean you should. Read more here.
SCOTUS to Ex-Presidents: Immunity Yes, but Only for Official Mischief
The Supreme Court ruled that ex-presidents can’t be prosecuted for “official acts” done while in office. Cue media hysteria, claiming Trump just got a lifetime “get out of jail free” card. Wrong. The ruling doesn’t protect business deals, sex crimes, or anything else outside the job. But, yes, it covers presidential decisions, even the ugly ones: pardoning scumbags, launching wars, drone-striking wedding parties. Like it or not, it’s necessary. Without it, every ex-president would face a decade of lawsuits from political enemies with law degrees. Not a Trump loophole – a constitutional shield. Read the ruling, not the headlines, here.
Ye Goes Full Mein Kampf: New Singles Drop, Decorum Doesn’t
Kanye West (a.k.a. “Ye,” a.k.a. “Inpatient #88”) marked the anniversary of Hitler’s defeat by releasing two Nazi-themed singles – because subtlety is for the weak. “Nigga Heil Hitler” and “WW3” feature lyrics defending himself from accusations of antisemitism by, naturally, invoking Hitler. Ye has long claimed Jewish execs control the music industry and that Black people are the “real Jews.” Now, apparently, he’s making mixtapes for the Third Reich. Predictably, the industry yanked the songs faster than you can say “career suicide.” Next up: “Hava Nigga-lah,” coming to a tinfoil hat near you. Read more here.
Kamala Blames Joe for Her Lack of Lift-Off
A Kamala Harris adviser is now blaming Joe Biden for torpedoing her presidential dreams. Apparently, if he had exited just a little earlier, Kamala would’ve “soared.” (Never mind that her popularity tanked faster than Biden’s approval ratings during the balloon fiasco.) A new book reveals that Team Biden worked hard to cover up his decline. (When pressed about his age on The View, Dr. Jill, ever the nurse-in-chief, insisted Joe still “puts in a full day”… as he stared blankly into the void.) Watch this.
P. Diddy, a Meth-Addled Raccoon, and the End of the Music Industry
In Springfield, Ohio, cops found a raccoon named “Chewy” cradling a meth pipe like it was an Oscar. And somehow, that wasn’t the most disturbing celebrity crime story of the week. Sean “P. Diddy” Combs is under fire for allegedly orchestrating ketamine-fueled “freak offs” involving Cassie Ventura, a male escort nicknamed “The Punisher,” and enough baby oil to drown a dolphin. Diddy allegedly filmed the whole thing – blackmail, they say, is the new A&R strategy. As one wag put it, “Cassie must be thrilled she signed with a kind, homegrown mogul rather than a ‘Tin Pan Alley Jew’ like Kanye complains about.” Classy all around. Read more here.
Egg Prices Fall, Media Scrambles
Lower egg prices are a crisis now – because under Trump, everything is. NBC News just launched a “Trump-flation” tracker, spotlighting the very grocery inflation they memory-holed during the Biden years. Meanwhile, a Chinese-linked company is dropping $300 million into $TRUMP coin (because nothing says clean governance like Beijing-backed crypto). JP Morgan has quietly canceled the recession, and Trump’s tariff dance with China seems to have worked – tariffs are down, trade’s back, and so is Trump’s approval rating. Which is why the media’s now treating stable grocery prices like a Category 5 scandal. Lord, give them strength… and maybe a dozen cage-free excuses.
Vader Burnout and Skull Goblets: Just Another Week in British HR
A UK NHS employee won nearly £30,000 after being compared to Darth Vader during a Star Wars-themed personality quiz. The comparison, allegedly made by a coworker while she was out force-choking a vending machine, was ruled workplace harassment. NHS brass tried to salvage things by noting that Vader at least acknowledged paternity – “a rare move for a black man,” they helpfully argued. Meanwhile, Oxford dons were accused of drinking wine from the skull of a Caribbean slave. They only stopped when it started to leak – then repurposed it as a chocolate dish. Diversity, equity, and demonic stemware. Read more here.
Senators Against Smut and the Curious Case of the Johnsons
Senator Mike Lee wants to rid America of pornography by redefining “obscenity” to include anything involving nudity, sex, or, rather poetically, “excretion.” Artistic or political value need not apply. This follows Speaker Mike Johnson’s admission that he and his teenage son monitor each other’s devices as “porn accountability partners” – a setup that sounds less like a moral crusade and more like the opening scene of a very regrettable family-themed adult film. With all this talk of “Punishers” and Johnson & Johnson baby oil, one wonders if the real problem isn’t porn… but the screenplay. Read more here.
The Wind Beneath Your Meals
Meet the “Family Fart Walk,” America’s newest health fad – and quite possibly its most acoustically vibrant. According to New York internist Dr. Tim Tiutan (not a forgotten Mayan ruin), going outside to crop-dust the local foliage post-meal may lower blood sugar and prevent diabetes. Canadian cook Mairlyn Smith proudly partakes in this windy tradition with her husband, making for the deadliest crop-dusting scene since North by Northwest. It may sound like the niche-est genre of internet pornography imaginable, but trust the science: When it comes to health, breaking wind may be breaking ground.
Read more here.
Biden Meets the Bumping Men
In London, a Japanese fitness trend called “butsukari otoko” – which roughly translates to “bumping man” – involves hulking men charging at unsuspecting pedestrians like linebacker sumo wrestlers. Meanwhile, stateside, Joe Biden was reportedly falling so frequently during the 2024 campaign that aides considered strapping him into a wheelchair. The solution? Send the President to Tokyo for an immersive leg-strengthening bump course. After enough mid-shuffle tackles from chunky Japanese strangers, he might finally learn to stay upright while rammed from all sides – just like he does in Congress. Read more here.
