A Week of Speeches and Interviews and Simply Enjoying Being in Japan Again
K and I arrived in Tokyo on Wednesday. K got us a room on the 49th floor of the Ritz Carlton, which is about as nice as any hotel I’ve been in anywhere in the world. At least, that’s what I told K after checking out the restaurants, the gym, and the spa. K told me I was wrong. She said that every time we see a new city or stay in a new hotel or dine at a new restaurant, I have extreme reactions to it: It’s either the worst or the best. She’s probably right. Nevertheless, if you are going to Tokyo and want to know what I think “the best” feels like, take a look at the Ritz.
The conference started Sunday, but we arrived four days early to do a bit of touring and to give me some time to adjust to the time difference. I don’t know why it is, especially considering how much traveling I’ve done in the last 50 years, but I continue to have trouble with jet lag.
I know what you are thinking: You don’t have the time or the interest to read about my quotidian grumblings, and I should be thankful I get to spend two weeks in Japan and get paid to be here. K agrees. “Stop complaining!” she complains. “You’re either on your laptop, ignoring the world around you, or you are finding things to criticize.”
The lobby of the hotel is on the 45th floor, which is pretty common for luxury chain hotels in downtown Tokyo. Often the lower floors consist of rental or owned apartments, which gives the lobby and the guest rooms spectacular views of the city.
Tokyo is like Denver in that it sits on an elevated plain surrounded by an impressive chain of mountains that resemble the Rockies. On a clear day, you can see Mt. Fuji.
And at dark – which begins here at about 4:30 pm – you have an incredible view of buildings tall and short, all lit up with colorful rooftop billboards and, above them, a network of red lights to keep low-flying aircraft from crashing into them.
The interior of the hotel is opulent, with oversized chandeliers, walled glass panels, and artwork. But there is nothing Trumpian about the choice of lighting, the amount of gold and silver plating, and the color palette of the walls and ceilings.
The rooms are spacious and equipped with every amenity you have ever encountered in luxury hotels – which is not surprising when you understand Japan’s history of inventing very little but improving on everything original that comes from the US, the Far East, the Middle East, and Europe.
Enough about the hotel.
Tokyo is one of my favorite cities because it has everything you could possibly want as a tourist – great museums and restaurants, beautiful parks and gardens, world-class shopping, and dozens of discreetly authentic local neighborhoods where you can spend hours enjoying quaint and even exotic scenes and experiences.
So there we were, soaking up a bit of that before leaving Tokyo on Thursday to spend three days exploring Matsumoto and Nagano and more of what we can’t get enough of in Japan. We saw enormous ancient forts, magnificent middle-millennium forts and temples, two great modern and contemporary museums, as well as both cities’ more modest tourist attractions.
I’m writing this from Tokyo again, in another hotel, the Prince Sakura Tower, which is more of a business hotel located a stone’s throw from the conference, which started yesterday.
And I’m writing this in the lobby bar, which is large but broken up into smaller spaces where one can find comfortable and quiet places to sit with muted classical music and jazz playing in the background – the perfect environment to work diligently and undisturbed, except for the occasional server offering interesting edibles and curated alcoholic refreshments.
I’m going over the notes I’ve made for the presentations and workshops I’ve been asked to give, including two speeches in the venue’s largest breakout room, big enough to hold the 7,000+ attendees we are expecting. (Last year, on-site attendance was only 3,500, with another 1,500 attending via a simultaneous livestream video recording.) I’m also scheduled to appear at a VIP cocktail party for several hundred folks who’ve paid $1,500 each to have me led around, table by table, to thank them for coming, and another more exclusive luncheon with a smaller group who’ve paid $5,000 a piece to have me answer questions they have about growing their businesses and otherwise building wealth (subjects that are the basis of the essays I’ve been writing for them as part of the business we have developed with our Japanese partners over the last two years), which I am more than happy to do until I’m escorted out of the room by the entourage of security personnel that they’ve assigned to me.
You’d think I would be anxious about doing a good job with all of this, but no. I’m going to be speaking about what I know from writing and lecturing about these topics for more than 40 years. And though I was riddled with self-doubt when I began speaking publicly as an “expert,” the fear gradually diminished. Now I can’t wait to spill the beans on everything that’s worked for me.
Japan Continues to Fascinate – and Educate – Me
To say that Japanese culture is more detailed and more refined than American/Western European culture would be an understatement.
To the Japanese, how you present yourself is a direct reflection not only of your education and sensibilities, but of the quality of your character. The idea that someone can be boorish on the outside but kind on the inside doesn’t feel authentic to them.
As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, I’ve been making a study of Japanese culture for a book I’m writing, tentatively titled Wealth Culture. It is about why some groups of people seem to do much better than other groups in terms of generating above-average income and above-average, long-term wealth.
My view is that Japanese culture – as it has existed in my lifetime – embraces the values that are essential to building and sustaining wealth. But these values are also responsible for Japan’s high ranking in almost every other important metric of well-being, including education, social engagement, mental health, and longevity.
All of which makes me grateful that, nearly 40 years ago, my partner and I did our first joint venture marketing deal with one of Japan’s largest publishers, which opened my eyes to the several relationships with the Japanese that we’ve had since.
The current relationship, with a group of very bright, very ambitious, and very supportive young Japanese executives, has me remaking the promises I made and only barely kept in the past: (1) to learn a smattering of Japanese that I could pronounce intelligibly, (2) to be conscious of my native US (New York) instincts to be very direct and sometimes a tad bit crude, and (3) to learn and respect the most important of Japan’s many, many standards of good and honorable behavior.
The Unbreakable Rules of Behavior
There have been cartloads of books written on the subject of Japanese manners and expectations – both in business and in social settings.
I’m not going to give you an extensive list of them. What I’ll do instead is tell you about the “rules” that I knew nothing about the first time I did business in Japan, and especially those that are thought to be nearly unforgivable if broken. (Although I’m happy to report that all my Japanese partners have been extremely understanding and forgiving of me – no doubt partially because the Japanese, even the young ones, respect maturity, and I am an old man.)
Bowing vs. Handshaking
Banish your good-old-boy, strongly ripped handshake. Reaching out and shaking someone’s hand is seen by most Japanese as not only impolite but vulgar, condescending, and aggressive. If I had to give you an example of an American way of saying hello that had the same effect, I’d say it would be to put the person you are meeting in a headlock and then give him a skull knuckling while announcing, “I love you, ya little motherfucker!”
Instead of shaking hands, the Japanese bow. And with bowing, there are only two rules you will be expected to heed. The depth of a person’s bow is directly related to that person’s position in the hierarchy, given the purpose of the meeting. The person with lower status bows more deeply than the person with higher status. And when you bow, you smile gently.
Socializing
The Japanese are actually very social people. They enjoy social interactions of most any kind. But as with almost everything else – from architecture and clothing to fine dining and even to performing at a karaoke club – modesty and indirectness are required.
The Japanese are very much aware of the level of crudity and immodesty that Americans often display when they are out and about and having fun. So, they will grant you some license there. In fact, they may enjoy watching you step over the line. Just keep in mind that the line is about 10 yards back from where it is in the USA.
Noise Levels
Having loud conversations in public areas or on the phone when you are on a plane or train is considered inconsiderate in the US and every Western country I’ve ever been to. And as far as I’m concerned, there is no excuse for it. In Japan, it’s beyond rude. Do it and I guarantee you will have every Japanese person within earshot of you thinking, Nante kuso yarōna nda! (“What an asshole!”)
Litter
Don’t litter in Japan. Not even a little bit. I wrote about this in an earlier blog post, and it still blows my mind. During COVID, all public trash cans were removed in Tokyo and never replaced. Despite this, there is not one discarded bottle, can, or scrap of paper anywhere. Every street is impeccably clean. What’s their secret? People carry plastic bags to hold their trash until they get home to dispose of it and smokers carry little purses or pouches to hold their cigarette butts.
Note: Smoking in public Is basically illegal in Japan. It’s prohibited in all inside spaces open to the public and in all outside spaces as well – except for sparsely located designated smoking areas, which have no chairs, just standing ashtrays. Cigarette smokers can deal with that because they need only about 60 to 90 seconds a dozen times a day to get their fix. For cigar smokers, with the average stick good for 40 to 60 minutes, these areas feel more like shaming centers and penalty boxes than they do like accommodations.
Ironically, Japan’s overall smoking rate (around 17.8% to 26.5%) is higher than the US (around 11.6%), with Japan having a significantly higher smoking rate for men compared to women, while the US smoking rates are more balanced between genders.
Manners When Eating
* The moistened cloth at your place setting in a restaurant is used to clean your hands before the meal. It is not to be used as a napkin, and never to wipe your mouth.
* Blowing one’s nose at the table is a huge no-no. Leave the table. And never use an unsanitary hankie. Only paper tissues will do.
* Slurping noodles, the louder the better, gives the impression that you are enjoying the food. So, slurp away.
* Drink soup by holding the bowl to your mouth with two hands.
* If you’re not good with chopsticks, don’t even try to pick up sushi with them. But don’t despair. Using your hands for sushi is acceptable. (A rule that saved me, big time.)
Other Things That Might Surprise You (Since They Surprised Me)
* Electronic, space-age toilets – called washlets – have been installed in most public buildings, hotel rooms, and 80% of private homes. A control panel attached to the bowl allows the user to select water sprays, seat warming, a blow dryer, deodorizing, and a sound system to mask the tinkle of “doing your business.”
* Presenting and receiving gifts are important customs. Gifts are often beautifully wrapped. When receiving one, it’s polite not to open it immediately.
* Taxis are Ubers and Ubers are taxis.
* Nobody ever jaywalks.
* Japanese drive on the left, as in England, but they also stay to the left when walking on sidewalks or up and down stairs. If you don’t take care to observe this rule, you may come across as utterly American – as in Ugly American.
* There isn’t a neighborhood in Tokyo I’ve ever visited that feels the least bit sketchy. And I haven’t seen a single homeless person or drunk or crazy person on the street. Everyone seems to be going somewhere with a purpose – very different from what sidewalk traffic looks like in most cities around the world. It feels like everyone is employed here and eager to get to work.
Conclusion
Japan, IMHO, is a country every Western person with an interest in improving their lives should get to know firsthand by spending at least a week here observing and interacting with as many Japanese people as they can run across.
A Few Facts About Japan That May Help Explain the Culture
Population Density: With an estimated 126 million people living in an area of approximately 378,000 square kilometers, Japan is one of the most densely populated countries in the world, with an average of 338 people per square kilometer.
Crime: Though Japanese people love crime and cop movies, the country has one of the lowest crime rates in the world. That is true for the densely populated cities, as well as suburban and rural areas.
The Economy: Japan has one of the world’s largest economies by total GDP, but its per-capita GDP (how much each person, on average, produces) is significantly lower than that of other developed nations.
Employment: Japan has a low unemployment rate, similar to that of other developed nations, but a lower overall employment rate for its working-age population due to a shrinking workforce and a high proportion of elderly people who are not in the labor force.
Education: Japan’s education system is highly standardized, emphasizing rote learning and high achievement in core subjects, particularly math and science. In contrast, countries like the United States have more decentralized systems that allow for greater variation in curriculum. Japan’s system is also notable for its high levels of educational equity, meaning socioeconomic background has less impact on student performance compared to the OECD average and the US.
