Readers Write: A “Customizable Living Will” from JM, one of the Myrtle Beach boys…
Mark – Your essay in the March 9 issue about “years to live” got me to thinking about my own mortality, and, in particular, the legal vicissitudes that accompany the last chapter that can go very wrong, unless one is forward thinking, like you clearly are, and properly prepared. Thus, I was prompted to write the following living will form, personalized to me. I’m sending to you because I suspect that you or some of your readers, will want to emulate it.
CUSTOMIZED LIVING WILL FORM
I, ____________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/ doctors/ hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following it should be presumed that I won’t ever get any better: __Vodka on Rocks __a Margarita __a Scotch __Glass of Wine __a Bloody Mary __a Gin and Tonic __a Tee Time __a Steak __Beer __Lobster or Crab Legs __the Remote Control __a Bowl of Ice Cream __the Sports Page __Sex __or Chocolate.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature: ____________________ Date: ________
