Let’s Talk About Guns and Politics and Zombies 

SC and I were talking about guns. He wanted me to accompany him to a shooting range here in Delray Beach so I could try my hand at various handguns and rifles.

I gave him my spiel…

Many years ago, I saw a list of all the bad things that can happen when people have guns. At the top was having your gun stolen from your bedside table while you slept. That was followed by all sorts of missteps and tragedies – from shooting your foot off to the accidental death of your child.

“With my bad luck and general clumsiness,” I said, “I don’t like the prospects.”

“Take a class in gun safety,” SC told me.

“I don’t think so,” I said. “And anyway, as I understand it, the second amendment was not designed to keep me safe from robberies, but from government tyranny.”

“Biden used that logic to argue for gun control,” SC said. (I knew what he meant. Biden had recently made fun of second amendment defenders, saying something like, “For those ‘brave’ right-wing Americans who say that it’s all about keeping America independent and safe, if you want to fight against the country, you need an F-15. You need something more than a gun.”)

“Well,” I said, “If I was ever going to buy a gun, it wouldn’t be a handgun or a semiautomatic. I want a full-on machine gun.”

He looked surprised. “Why is that?”

“Because the only time I can imagine needing one would be if my house was being attacked by zombies.”

He smiled.

“I’m serious,” I said. “You know how the zombies are these days. They’re not like the old ones, lurching at you, clumsily, one at a time. Today, they move quicker and they come in droves. There’s no way you can protect yourself without a military grade automatic weapon.”

He smiled again.

Later that day, he sent me this link to a great article about how Hollywood has expanded our knowledge of how to kill zombies.

Click here to prepare yourself for the zombie apocalypse!